1 My Life: Saturday September 30th 2007)
I intended to title this "My Life" . Bill Clinton already used that one. I have a short memory so I cant think of any other authors who used that. I guess everyone has a patent to that title. Maybe I should call it This Life. or This is My Life. I think Guy Smileyy used it as well. But that guy was not real. Even back then as a kid i knew. I eventually chose to title is My Life, Your Opinion. You might see why as you read on. If you dont see it, believe me, be i don try.
Am I writing a book about me or am I writing a novel. I mean am I writing an autobiography or is this fiction (not necessarily). I think it is unfair to me to be writing an autobiography. I am too young and definitely underachieved. Probably too young? Actually under achieved. If i think otherwise, what a shame that would be. Well I am 32 now and if I want to feel worse, I would be 33 in exactly 3 months time (I started doing this writup on September 30th 2007). Do the math and please dont forget to send me an e-card. By the time you read this I might be older (if your internet connection is thaaaaaaaaaat slow). Mine is so it migth jus be me submitting after my bday.
Why should I feel bad or worse? Well, I feel I have not made the best of my God given talent. If I have, then I should have a kid running and pissing around the house or better still one well into knowing right from wrong. I have neither of the two and before I jump the gun, I don’t even have a woman to do me the honours.
Don’t get the picture wrong. I am out going, ambitious and I have had my fair share of wifeable materials. Wrong word I guess and Queen Elizabeth the first might not be happy with my bastardization of the English language. But I am sure Shakespeare will be proud of my new invention. Welcome to the new word. Wifeable is here to stay. At least for me and a few people that might like what I write. That wont be many, only if I find a lot of fans in my no wifeable situation.
I look back on my experiences and I have to say a man is not a complete success without a great woman. I can’t define great because I believe it means different things to different people. Great might mean churchy, might mean extremely intelligent, elegant, tall, plump or even possibly stupid and gullible. All I am saying is that everyone has choices and I don’t mean there are stupid women. I only say people act according to circumstances they find themselves in and individual perception of people would surely defer. Does that make sense?
So what is it about my life. 32 years looks like yesterday. I remember things that happened when I was 6 vividly and also pockets of moments when I was younger. I am serious. Take a moment and reflect and tell me you can’t remember the moments you had a crap in your pants or embarrassing pee pee making the map of
2 My Picture
I am going to paint a picture of what I want for my life from this moment onwards. I want to get married. Not for the sake of it. But for the fact that I am ready. Loneliness kills and a lack of a companion who believes in you is no motivation. I want a woman who understands me. Is that not what we all say? Well I want someone who can live with my mistakes and see my most stupid moments with pride. I guess that means we have stupid and probably gaullible men too. It also means i need an excuse for making mistakes. I want a woman who makes me laugh around the house and sees all we achieve as team play. I don’t need subservience. I want opinions that defer. Well not all the time and definitely not at night. If you know what I mean.
I think I have had a fair appraisal of myself by the women I have known. Yes, that is the best way to describe me. Let me tell you all the nice and unnice things I have heard about me over the years. That would be about 14 years. “The Years” refers to the moment I realized the yin and yang feeling. is that a smart comparison. lets just say man woman feeling. Yin-Yang means plenty. I have met 5 woment that i have dated to one degree or the other (you get?) Full names will be withheld or ethical reasons. i would need permission i guess from them and i really dont think that would happen. at least not from all. i also wont want it to be anyones name out there. Hmm dat sounds like a better reason. Ethical or confusion just try get used to the characters.
Let me start with F (full name withheld for reasons I already said are ethical). F was crazy about me. I think women get crazy about guys faster than we do about them. Well we say it faster and longer than they do so I guess we are also fast. We are just on different lanes. Usually driving in opposite directions. Why change a winning formula? F thinks I was likeable, intelligent and more martured. That was then. I guess the tables would have turned now. F would be 28 years (or close) somewhere in the world and probably with a kid or two. So I guess F is more on the experienced and matured side considering she has a lot of pee pee to clean up. How the sexes grow. F also thought I needed to be taken care of. Looking back at my life now, maybe she was right. I have not done a great job at taking care of myself. I really can’t say much more about F but she was a great person and I have no regrets we met. I guess we (I) was too young to appreciate. i have a very short memory as you will find out. there was probably mor to F but i really cant remember. sorry. Take note of her observations. The ones i seem to conveniently remember.
After F came O. O was younger than F and I think maybe prettier. Maybe. At times we see what we choose to see. Not what is real. I have to place F by O to be sure I was right or maybe wrong. O was in school while I was a few years into my first job. O also thought I was matured (this is either a woman’s toasting line or true attraction). She thought I played around with words, I fail to express how I really feel, I am good looking (I like that one but that is really opinion). Even gorillas get married. I mean real gorillas here and not you. I won’t call you a gorilla to your face. Just thinking loud. What is a femal Gorilla called? She thinks I have nice hands. I never heard that one before. Who says women don’t know what to say? She also thinks I am a great kisser. Who still thinks they don’t know what to say? Isn’t it strange how you take compliments seriously. I still remember all those sweet compliments (or lines). I still look at my hands till this day and wonder what I am not seeing. I think I have heard that from someone else as well. I hope that’s not in my imagination. I think we have given O some space. There seems to be more good than bad. I don’t think there were that many bads. Well with O, I lost out. She had an escort in school who had all the time in the world. I wont say dating a student while working is going to get you no where. That as well is opinion. Enough about O. So lets move on.
Then I met S. what made S click? Well I was not interested in S from day one. I did not even notice her. Seriously that was not deliberate. We worked in the same office. I go about doing my thing and that’s it. I think my innocent unawareness of my environment (at times) was a turn on. Then I resolved a problem in the nick of time. Ok, I am a computer guy. Did some networking, system administration, website and I don’t know where the journey takes me next. Yes, I know, my career experience look as unclear as the women that have passed through my life. Hopefully, I passed through theirs. Ok lets get back to S. S was great. She had white teeths, full hair (by Nigerian standards), extremely brilliant from previous academic records. Still is i guess. (I make that statement looking back at my own previous academic records.) And focused to the letter. After all, she got married shortly after she called it quits. Yes she called it quits. No thanks to my short memory an lackadaisical attitude. She didn’t like chocolates and I bought her a couple on Vals day. Talk about the killer gift? How many of you guys have given a killer gift? Well I guess the chocolate sealed my fate. It was one careless move too many. So what did S like about me? I am not sure. She was never so specific. Maybe that’s why she moved on so easily. Or maybe I was so inattentive, I was not listening. Or maybe there was none. Much worse.
Here is where it gets complicated. I met S again. Don’t wonder too far. It’s a different S. or was it E. she had two names. Her parents call her E and her fiends call her S. she prefers S. I am sure it’s not because she prefers her friends to her parents. At least she never said so. Mohammed’s kid is wailing outside. I will come to Mohammed later. I use his real name because that is the most commonly used name in the world. Yes it is. I also didnt date him. He is ver Yan and i assure you my affinity is straight. I challenge you to trace M. All the best if you try.
S or E? that’s not the complication. There was a T as well and I think they overlap. Who came first? I am not sure. My short-term memory at its very best. S was based where I lived so the relationship (short of a better word to describe it) blossomed. Or should I say lasted the test of my presence. I forgot to mention it. S1 (the first S) moved on the moment I moved out of town. I am lousy with long distance relationship. Your talk can save you for a while. But a guy with half the talk and a whole of the presence beats whatever talents God gives. That I learnt the hard way. Did I? T was far way from me and as a matter of fact we met on the phone. Don’t ask me how? I am sure we all get this blind offers every now and then. I dated T over the phone and we met few and far in between. Sir Graham Bell would be proud of the usefulness of his invention. Maybe I am not so bad with this long distance relationship after all. So I thought.
How did I pull it off? Well I was not technically dating S2. At least we never had such a talk. But that’s a wrong assumption. Women think differently. As a matter of fact S2 was well into the fact she was dating and I knew little. She was great. Tall, soft spoken and had a very silent ambition of where she was going. If only she had made herself clearer, I might not have gotten deep into the mess I find myself in now. Or rather if I had made up my mind what I wanted. S2 had big dreams as I found out later. I spent a lot of time living in her dream world when she made it known to me. She had a dream book with montages of what she wanted to be. In fact she had pictures of my face stuck on bodies that were not ours. I think i was stuck on Denzels body. She was stuck to Beyonce. Thats my guess. The outfits looked great and i know i dont have a tuxedo. probably never will now that she is no more in my dream. Or is it the other way round. I think I am jumping. That’s how scattered S & T turned me into. Always blaming someone.
What did S2 like about me? I guess plenty really. She thinks I am extremely ambitious and was going to have a great life. I hope she still thinks so. I would love to see the look on her face when she realizes how well I moved on (someday). Why do we feel that way with our Exes. Like saying, “You see how well I have done without you”. She thinks I am good looking and keeps saying I have a great body. That happens only at night. Well not only at night but the night thing tells you what I mean. She has a great body and the nicest legs I know. Based on my experience. Apologies to F, O & T but that’s the truth. She also thinks I have nice hair. Well my hair was full when we met (Not like S1s). And still full when she left. Afro to be precise or just plenty. At least she left my hair the way she met it if not my heart. Yes, she is thoughtful and not at all trying to make you into someone else. She likes the hair on my nape. Women sure have better lines. The hair on my nape? That was a new one. And it surely worked. Otherwise, I will not remember that 1 too.
She wants to travel the world. That’s part of her dream. And she wants a great house and a great home with kids and a wonderful man that used to be me. I like her dreams. Actually i like her dream book. As much as I don’t want to steal someone elses dream and make them my own. I think the dream has me in it. Maybe I should borrow that book. If she has not burnt it yet. She probably wont. She will just replace my character with someone elses. Why re-invent a great dream. I am writing this because of the complication created by S2 & T. would I still have S2 back if she wanted? Not really. Is that a No or yes. Ok, No. I did not really enjoy those nights with her. I am sure you know what I mean now. And she admitted not enjoying most of them. Actually all of them. She was just saving face or being her thoughtful self. How women lie. Maybe she did not even love my body after all. She has met a new guy. I suspect she has started all dat lying again. The problem is i think woment dont even realize they are lying until much later. A guy tells a lie and his nose starts growing long. Well something starts growing. You might need to look lower. I like my body. Thats all that counts. E be like say d tin dey pain me sef. I console myself. The lies. She should just hav told me i did not have a correct body. No be by force na. So I won’t move on with S2 even though she has big dreams for her and whoever. Life has to be complete. No half measures and no compromise. That’s really opinion again. Someone would see differently and that does not make him wrong or me right.S2s dreams are very important for part of the life I want. So who fills my nightly needs. A cousin of mine says don’t marry a woman you cannot enjoy being with night after night. No point. Is that true? Well I don’t know. I have never been married. Do you have problems with your woman in those moments? How do you feel about the marriage? Regrets? Or Life’s like that. Me no know.
So lets go to T. There must be more about S2 than I agree to admit. How else do you explain the length of space given to her? It must be that dream book. I need to get a hold of that book. Or maybe it is my short memory at work again. She just happened so maybe I remember so much. Another lesson for me. Try and record as much as you can. The dots will connect someday. So what can I say about T. She was extremely caring. It got to the point where I advised her to do things for herself instead. I later discovered that being over caring is not necessarily a good thing. An over-caring woman probably has a low will power, is gaullible and probably has a low self esteem. Opinion really. My discovery. I wish Sigmund Fraud was reading this. When a woman is too caring then she would do anything to please anyone else at the expense of her senses. Beware and make your woman realize this early. Are you guessing? Well keep guessing. T broke my heart and shattered my trust in her and other women. But wait. F,O,S,S & T and a few small caps in between. I have had my fair chances. Many guy don’t have this many opportunities and not survive one. Even S2’s limitations were not enough. They are just excuses. My boss calls it being defensive. I understand now and I think I agree with him based on my out of the office experiences. Not in the office. I am being defensive again.
I will not go deep into T. it hurts as I type. The thought of what happened is unbelievable and I wish for her sake she had not done it. But can I blame her? Yes. Like I said there are no excuses. Not even for Yin. Just checked good old Wiki for Yin. It says Yīn (陰 or 阴 "shady place, north slope, south bank (river); cloudy, overcast"; Japanese: in or on) is the dark element: it is passive, dark, feminine, downward-seeking, and corresponds to the night. Lets get Yang for completeness afterall that’s what the 2 words are intended for. Completeness
Yáng (陽 or 阳 "sunny place, south slope, north bank (river), sunshine"; Japanese: yō) is the bright element: it is active, light, masculine, upward-seeking and corresponds to the daytime.
Basically Yin is the opposite of Yang. Does that mean words & opposite. From definition, it seems like that was rge intention. I think it has not really been fair to women. Everything just looks shady, dark and deceitful. Yang could as well fit such a description and Yin vice versa. Lets just take Yin for woman and we are free to fill in whatever description fits whichever Yin or Yan we want to analyze.
Yes I had S2 while I had T but she did not know that when what she did happened. So that would not be much of an excuse. I should also say that S2 discovered T and vice versa. I would have loved to tell that story but I am sure many of us can imagine if not approve. How did I cope? I talked my way out of it as usual. But like I said. It only works for a while. S2 is gone and T is on the way. I am stalling but I know the truth hurts and life has to go on. I am 32 and counting. Remember. I met F at 18 and blam blam, I am 32. I would not want to write another one at 40. The thought even scares me. I might just exhaust all the letters in the alphabet then I would have to go case sensitive.
I started this on a Sunday. It is another Sunday and i have written a second part 2 it. Yes Sunday. No Church? Yes again. i am not much for church. Wish i was. It must be fun. Millions of Nigerians cannot be wrong. Opinion i guess. The second part talks about who i am and who i should be thinking of being based on my appraisal by my 5 charcters. i tries to use all those MBA jargons. Strength Weakness Opportunities and all to analyze me. i hope you find it all useful. and if you do, please plagiarize not. this might just turn into a book. i mean it might turn into money. abi who wan write book no wan make money. i hav sacrificed 5 women. at least let me know it was worth it all. not that i feel a woman can be replaced with cash. Not to talk of 5. well actually ..... that is opinion as well. Let me get to back to my MBA assignments. I wish i could make it as much fun as i have had writing this.
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