Dis Aladdin dey lie

Aladdin dey lie
I wrote a story about Aladdin two days ago. I was at work. And as usual bored as hell. I don’t know how boring hell is but it flows and I have no plans to prove it. I am surely discovering myself. I hate work and I wish I did not have to go there.

Back to my Aladdin story. If you hav not read it then I probably have not posted it. I am checking for it in my yahoo mail. I think I mailed a copy there.

Like I said the moral of the story for me was Freedom but watching it again today, maybe being true to yourself is also a worthy moral.

I look back at my life and I can safely say that “I HAVE NOT BEEN TRUE TO MYSELF”. How difficult is it to tell the truth? It seems easy but it sure hurts. I have been to hell and I am yet to get back. Not that hell. I refer to Port Harcourt. I used to live in Abuja. Now you get. So now I am in this hell, I spend a lot of time thinking about my life, those I have hurt. The opportunities I have missed. I think abut them. I wish I could easily say I don’t regret them. As they say, “there is no point regretting the tings you cannot change”. So lets assume I am not regretting. Just thinking.

Aladdin told one lie too many. The interesting thing like I said in the previous blog is that “he told them after Jasmine had fallen in love with him”. Infact at the time he was lying, Jasmine was hinting for the truth and he just could not come around to say it.

Lie number 1: I am the Prince
Lie number 2: I have never been to the market place. Then he went on about his servants even having servants who do it. Who ask am question sef. When we lie, we tend to talk too much in order to buttress our point. Why am I telling this long story. Maybe I am lying sef. I said maybe.
Lie number 3: I cant think of a third one. Can you? Well one thing is clear to me here. One lie is enough to create a lot of doubts. I actually thought Aladdin told plenty lies. Only two and I have this lousy impression that he was a shameless lier.

I guess lieing has to stop. It actually stinks more tknow. Cheating on your spouse? It usually sounds better if you tell the truth than if you lie about it. I think so.

We know Jaffar lies for a living. But not Laddin and definitely not me (I was Laddin in my previous blog). If you still have not read it, then I have not found it.

Why am I telling this lie story. I actually don’t know. And that’s the truth. I guess I am learning to tell the truth already. When was the last time you told a lie? Did it feel good? If it did, all I can say is that Jaffar keep on lieng but you would end up caged in that lie.

Well let me go back to the Tennis match I was watching. Federrer vs Keifer I wonder who will stop my man. He is in the semis of the Madrid open. I wonder why they compare him to Nadal. No basis for comparison. Nadal either wins or looses. You cant even predict. Even on clay, I don’t think he is that that certain. If he was then he should be rail roading every player that come his way by now (ike my guy). Well h is out of the Madrid, beaten by Nalbadian. Fdont know how the mach went but the CNN scrolling bar says Nadal CRUSHED by Nalbandian”. I wonder what they men by crush. I would have loved to see the look on his face as he pulls his pant from his butt. Well since he is been crushed, his face might not be a great site anymore. Jiust messing around. That is how sports goes. I havenothing against Nadal off the court. Just have a lot of rivals who seem to love the guy and e dey vex me. Na dem I dey beef indirectly. No be Nadal

Anway seriously, I am getting back to the match I already said that and I did not. Does that mean I lied? Hmmm.

Who is Aladdin?

Aladdin is one of my favourite cartoons of all time. Like all cartoons, there seems to be a moral to the story. For me, Aladdin talks about freedom even though official it says the moral is "Be true to yourself"

For me, it is freedom because Aladdin is free to do as he wishes as a street rat and he has fun with Abu is best friend living the street life. On the other hand Princess Jasmin craves for Freedom but is caged up in the palace with "everything" made available for her. Ironically Aladdin wishes he was living in the palace and Jasmine wishes she was free to go on an adventure in life. I am sure that sounds familiar.

S2 (if you have read my blog on Dis my Life Sef" reminds me of Princess Jasmine. Though she seems to act more like a princess when free than when at home. But the bottom line is freedom. i guess i was not totally true to her which is part of the problems i created.

I think Life is basically about freedom to do as we please. But remember it comes with its ups and downs as Aladdin's experience tells you. You meet opportunities like the Genie (great performance), rejections by Jasmine. Women at their best performance i guess. That did not last for long. I guess she liked the Prince even if she did not want to admit it. And you also meet great friends like the carpet. Who would ever want to be friends with a carpet? Exactly. There are surprises hidden everywhere. Take a moment to look at that fellow you have been ignoring all your life. He probably has a word of advice that might change your life forever. Hopefully for better.

On a lighter note. Let's play a game for a moment. This would be fun if you have watched Aladdin. Look around wherever you are. I am in the office right now. Place a character on the people around you and connect it to their behaviour. Well there might be some bright sides about Jaffar but i wont advice you to let your Jaffar character read this unless he sees the humour. Let me start.

J: J is the boss. With little thinking. I place J as Jafar. They both start with J. Is he as cunning and mean? No. I dont think so. Lets just say J & Jafar both start with J. I have a perfect excuse. maybe i will let him read it after all. I dont think he will see humour in it. he probably wont even understand.

Philip: I work with Philip all of the time. Well technically, we have the same job description. nice words for Everything but no description. He does his work with all the seriousness. But still has great happy moments. I got the Aladdin movie from him So u see what i mean. I am not sure what character Phil would be right now. Lets just place him as Abu. No reason for now. Like i said, we are just having fun.

T: T is a lady. She would easily fit as Jasmine. Thinking of it, she even looks like Jasmine. Hmm. Now T has a nickname. I would share that with Phil. He sees humor in these things too. I did not say T will be Jasmine. Well she is the only lady here and since my focus is my office then T jus might as well be Jasmine.

Y: Y works with T. But i assure you, Y IS NOT Aladdin. There were a lot of characters in Aladdin but we only want the key players. I think Y would be the Sultan. He is much older than T and might as well pass as a father. The jobs we do?

Mr. Von: Everyone calls him Mr. Von. The name sticks but it is not his real name. Cool guy. Packs a punch of muscle as well. Jolly fellow but we have not talked much for weeks. The reports and end of year appraisal seems to have gotten the better of me. Or is it both of us. I dont think it has affected me much or else I wont be writing this piece of...... What is it I am writing sef? Von is a nice guy. Let Von be ... Oh my God i think we have run out of characters. If you have watched Aladdin, then you remember the big fellow in the market place who wants Princess Jasmin's hand. Literarily. Before Aladdin comes to the rescue. Let that be Von. I know Von wont hurt a lady. I only choose him for size.

So who is left. Hmmm. Aladdin & Lago. Me & Funsh. Sorry Mr. Funsh, I dont think you deserve to be Lago. Well lets looks at the bright side. Lago has got plenty of humour, he is very colourful and is free to fly and have fun. He did not necessarily like Jaffar. I dont think so. And he did play a great role in the movie.

Me: Well we know who I am. Not every thinks Aladdin was the star of the movie. People prefer the role of the Genie. I actually do but i can connect with the Aladdin character better. If you know me a bit, you can look for some similarities. It does not matter if u find none. I am Al.

The Genie. Did i miss something. I must confess, I did. Well maybe not deliberately. I just could not find anyone who can make a wish happen here. Well we all wish we could but there just isnt any. I just got a mail from Lare. Well he sure makes things happen. I should be part of a project in Warri with him now. I made the wish and he granted. Jafar did not let me be. Hmm maybe J does have some Jaffar qualities afterall.

It's time to get back to work. You are free to build your Aladdin character. Even if you say i be Jaffar or Lago, I go know say na bad bele dey worry you.

My Life, Your Opinion (Part 2)

3. So Who Am I?

You have to read the first part of My Life, Your Opinion to better understand this story. If you have not FOSST would mean nothing to you. I have to check this blogger setting. I thought people would get to read this once i post it. Apparently, i was wrong. Let me look around. You can read on about my life below.

F,O,S,S,T. they have all come and gone. Well almost. I still have T to at the tail. Lets see how it wags.

We are all going to spend our lives discovering who we really are. Until we understand ourselves, we really can’t understand others. I did not do so fairly with T (&S2) so I really should not complain.

Let me now tell you who I am based on the people that have passed through my life. Lets start with the bad news. Shouldn’t that be the only news. How else would you explain my numerous losses.

• I am definitely not so so sensitive though this is probably unintentional.
• I like female company and I do identify with a relationship.
• I must be attractive and husbandable. Shakespeare please take note. Microsoft Word can paint it red for all I care. Or maybe boyriendishable. A slight modification.
• I guess I am not that predictable. Is that good or bad.
• I can talk my way out of problems. If I choose to change my ways then it can surely make things happen. In a condescending description, lets just say “I can beg”. That’s basically what I have been doing. That might also be good or bad.
• I am probably interesting.
• I have good looks. I think I already said that. It probably is true. Opinion again.

I think I have combined the good with the bad here. I am either hiding something or the bad out weighs the good. Or maybe good & bad means different things to different people. I talk my way out of a problem or I beg. Good or bad? Opinion is yours. Beg means I am humble and admit my faults. Talk means I am a go getter and I think on my feet. It could also mean that I know how to create a mess on a regular basis.

So that is who I am? Insensitive, Inteligent, Funny (I never used that word). Maybe I used “Sense of Humour”. If I did not well I am. Great looking. Define great as you wish. I loose focus and intensity. I probably have fears of the future. That’s probably why it is five and hopefully not counting. I read somewhere that a pessimist is someone who waits for all the lights to go green before setting off to work. That wont happen. Maybe in Nigeria though. The lights all don’t work whenever you choose to set off. I have to agree that Nigerians just might be the happiest people (on the road). So am I a pessimist? I hate to admit but my analysis seems to point that way. I am looking for the perfect green before setting off on my trip through matrimony. It obviously won’t happen. I am ambitious. That is what some say. Ambitious & Pessimistic? Talk of Yin & Yang. I guess even the successful might be both. Or how do you explain Microsoft’s fear of the Open Source movement. It is the proportion that counts. We all have fears of death. So I guess we are all pessimists. In other words, we all fear tomorrow. In fact, we fear the next minute. Nepa might just strike. T thinks I am great at night. S2 lied. Hopefully. I guess that is opinion as well. Isn’t life all about opinion? It is the most used word in this story. Maybe I should title it opinion. But who would buy it. Hey, look at that book. What does the title mean. My publishers would hate that title. And if they use it then they would surely hate me.

4 . So who do I want to be?

The truth be told. I am happy to be me. Don’t get me wrong, the bad sides have not made my life what it should be but that has been me. The best I can do as well as you is change the bads to good and improve on the good. Well that is what my MBA class says. What course is that? Financial Management or was it Marketing strategy. All those courses feel the same. Basically it says, identify your strengths & weaknesses (SW). And also opportunities & threats (OT). I think we focused more on the SW part in my experiences.

Looking at OT, lets say S2 was an opportunity for a great dream and T was a threat to getting it. Maybe vice versa. Don’t mix SW & OT with the people I have met. This ones are just management slangs. Infact they are my jargons. My teacher calls it SWOT in full. This is just a breakdown for my convenience.

So they say you identify the Ws and convert them to Ss. Do you get the point. That’s the whole idea. So if you have been doing those analysis without the appropriate conversion, what a waste of time that was for you.

For instance, I am not attentive so, start being attentive. Is it that simple? Maybe it is. I just never knew that is what this MBA thingy was all about. Thnigy? Not my invention. That is how T pronounces “Thing”. Beware of ladies pronouncing “thing” “thingy”. Maybe we need to watch out for ladies pronouncing any words wrongly. Wouldn’t that be fun?

Thinking of the MBA thingy. I should be doing my financial management (FM) and marketing strategy assignment right now. I know when I get to the bridge I will submit it. Supposed to be predicting the dividend payment for a company named I. actual has two other characters behind it. Guess guess guess. I hope you are having fun. I hope all that calculation study is really worth it. I have lost so many times in the stock market game. At times I think it is a lottery. I hopefully would think otherwise when my prediction are right to the kobo. The kobo by the way is Nigeria’s euivalent of a British penny or the American cent. I mean in description and not in value. It is a hundred times weaker. I am being conservative here but weaker is really opinion of the ignorant. It is still the greatest country in Africa (by population for certain). There is some magic going on to make it almost equivalent to the dollar. I mean the Naira this time. Hope you are not confused? Naira is equivalent to Dollar and kobo the cents. That’s magic because I did not know we could easily do that. MBA has a lot of questions to answer. Zimbabwe needs to do this urgently. Consult Nigeria, you really can make it equal to any currency you so wish. Mugabe for life. Hurray.

I also have MS assignment. Sounds more fun and realistic. Also seems like a lottery. There are elaborate marketing plans that fail and there are non-existent marketing plans that make a big bang. I am supposed to do a study on a product or service (there is a difference) and see how the organisation I work for plans to create awareness. Something like a penetration strategy. I can’t even remember the question. I am in big trouble. I think there is a part about the consumers perspective on the penetration of a product or service. I am thinking of …. Let me check out what I wrote. I just wrote it yesterday. My short term memory again. It seems to be getting shorter. I wrote it yesterday.

Got it. For my organization, I would write on the introduction of the Online Video Conferencing. And from a consumer perspective, I hope to write on SMIES. That is confusing talk for Small, Medium …. Let me check the net. It is on the Central Bank of Nigeria website. It means “Small and Medium Enterprises Equity Investment Scheme”. That is SMEEIS. The acronym has changed. Acronym? Abbreviation? They actually mean different things. Which is it?

My Project at Work

I am at work now working on my probattion project. There are times i feel i am in a school. it is just that i have a space to myself and maybe there are a few people in my class (6) and maybe we seem to be doing different courses. To make it complete, my boss is a real academic Doctor.

I used to think he had a management Phd but discovered it was very technical indeed. Well back to my project. I am not clear what to do anymore. i seem to have a lot to do. a project report, coupled with a presentation, then 3 MBA assignments to be submitted by 5th November. I should really be looking down my window ledge and ask myself if it is safer waiting to submit all these reports or jumping. Now i understand why they say people prefer to die rather than do so many mundane things like speaking in public. By the way people choose they would prefer to die because they don't believe what they say would happen. SO somehow they cheat death and cheat their opportunity or destiny.

Tonye just got me off my seat. she is working on an audio visual presentation. hey. that is what my project is all about. she is very smart and seems to have a clear mind on what the company expects from us. Note that this does not necessarily mean that is what is good for us or the company. That is what they want, that is what we give. Opari. it is finished. No questions asked. i have actually gone round the organization in the last couple of months and i must say that i have learnt plenty it is time to put all that plenty on paper and prove my critics wrong and my freinds relieved. Thank God, the stupid fellow survived.

T is through wit my system so i am back to it. Thought i was going to wrap up this blog for the day. Guess i should. Like i said i have a myriad of documents to churn out. I forgot, a 6 months & 9 months work report. Who reads all these stuff. Yeh, i know the answer. Nada. No one. It must be a ploy to keep us busy. Someone here must be robbing us blind. I look around at times and i don't know who the culprits are. What did i expect, whoever it is would be smart as hell. Now i have +2 more reports. i plan to make a copy of the 6 months and add a few lines. That includes the title and it only includes 6. the i should be done. Who do they think they are fooling.

Well le me get back to work. I hope you have more serious and worthy tasks to do at your end. if you don't welcome to the club. It nice not to be alone.

Just got back from lunch.

forgot to post this. it is Thursday already. The Sallah break is on. Luckily there is light (as i speak). For the UnNigerian, i man we have electricity supply from the authorities. that is news. I had an encounter with some mobile police yesterday. they were in a convoy leading a couplof white guys to their residential area. i was driving innocently. Yet i was accosted and slapped by one of the men. i threatened to shoot be and simply say he killed aa militant. If you had asked fo my opinion about the spate of kidnapping before the incidence. My answer would have been that i dont think it is right. Now I really dont know. Apart from the fact that we are loosing Oil and revenue to these guys. Now i can be killed to protect them. I would just be a statistics. And as true as Nigeria is, a wasted one. I will find time to write on that later. What would i title it. "The Militant Slap", "The Slap for Oil", "Expatriates Deserve All". The irony of it all is that I work for the same company. I guess that is all story. They don't care who works for them. It is all about the Oil.

Well be writing more later.

Back at home

Home sweet home. That is not a commone phrase in this part of Nigeria. I am back home now. Having been on and off at my friend's place for the last 2 weeks. Dont ask me why? NEPA of course. They owe us nothing and we owe them a monthly bill payment. Talking of bill payment. I have not payed any in the last 3 months. Well did not have any public power fo six months.

I am new in Port Harcourt. Rivers State. Nigeria. I believe we know where that is now. I have been here for just 9 months. it looks like forever. This is surely the worst state i have lived in Nigeria. Considering that i used to live in Abuja. This is like droping a super hot metal in sub zero temp. I suspect it would break. Dont know why. I know some materials do that in abrupt temperature changes. Seen it in some movies.

Back to the gabbage city. I mean the garden city. Who ever said Lagos is filthy?You need to be here. How come Nigerians dont know the level of decay here. it is a combination of sludge and dirt. the sludge probably flowed from the creeks. Perdon any spelling errors in this blog. i am typing fast. NEPA is no respecter of blogs or bloggers.

I suspect the media is pro PH. How else would you explain avoidance of the talk. i think i am tired. An i am not flowing. i am beginning to sound Pro PH. The town is really bad but i suspect i wont make much sense to you tonight.

Let me get back to watching some TV. Christian Amanpour is talking about Gods warriors. It has been on for a while. Interesting and well researched. The warriors were born in 2001. or was it 2002. The invasion of Iraq seems to churn out more. for every suicide bomber, 2 are probably trained. Can you imagin? 30% of american muslims under the age of 30 believ the suicide bmbers are doin wht is right. compare that to 6% of their parents. George Bush made a wrong move. Fighting terror indeed. Who is terror? Where is terror? What is terror? Exactly why this war has no end. No one knows what he (maybe she) looks like. Thats pobably why they shoot aimlessly everyday.

I am getting political. i hae no sides. Things are either black or white. i preach peace and violence does not cure violence. it has t be more than that. Are Americans so in love with Iraq to want a democracy at all cost. there seems to be no talk about Osama or Shaddams death. that is obviously not what this war was all about.

I keep saying. If Nigeria play hard ball with our Oil, we would be surprised what hit us. no democrcy would be right. Everything would be masked in WMDs. what would they call us? We ahrbour weapons of poverty destruction. Are we better off rich or poor? I am tired of to bed. This was a crappy blog. i guess that is what this is all about. I promise a better write up next time. Thanks for getting bored along with me.

My eyes are shutting down. I think Brainiac had a research on that. Something about being awake when i sleep. I guess it is all these militants. Brainiac ko. Brainiac ni. i was gooing to say something. i am reallly tired guys. i love you all but i love PH far less. i wonder how those guys live here. maybe my pay is lousy. maybe that is why i complain. i hear thelevel where i wont complain is wht i need.

oodnight guys. Nice blabbing around.

The Women (5 Characters)

1 My Life: Saturday September 30^th 2007)

I intended to title this "My Life" . Bill Clinton already used that one. I have a short memory so I cant think of any other authors who used that. I guess everyone has a patent to that title. Maybe I should call it This Life. or This is My Life. I think Guy Smileyy used it as well. But that guy was not real. Even back then as a kid i knew. I eventually chose to title is My Life, Your Opinion. You might see why as you read on. If you dont see it, believe me, be i don try.

Am I writing a book about me or am I writing a novel. I mean am I writing an autobiography or is this fiction (not necessarily). I think it is unfair to me to be writing an autobiography. I am too young and definitely underachieved. Probably too young? Actually under achieved. If i think otherwise, what a shame that would be. Well I am 32 now and if I want to feel worse, I would be 33 in exactly 3 months time (I started doing this writup on September 30th 2007). Do the math and please dont forget to send me an e-card. By the time you read this I might be older (if your internet connection is thaaaaaaaaaat slow). Mine is so it migth jus be me submitting after my bday.

Why should I feel bad or worse? Well, I feel I have not made the best of my God given talent. If I have, then I should have a kid running and pissing around the house or better still one well into knowing right from wrong. I have neither of the two and before I jump the gun, I don’t even have a woman to do me the honours.

Don’t get the picture wrong. I am out going, ambitious and I have had my fair share of wifeable materials. Wrong word I guess and Queen Elizabeth the first might not be happy with my bastardization of the English language. But I am sure Shakespeare will be proud of my new invention. Welcome to the new word. Wifeable is here to stay. At least for me and a few people that might like what I write. That wont be many, only if I find a lot of fans in my no wifeable situation.

I look back on my experiences and I have to say a man is not a complete success without a great woman. I can’t define great because I believe it means different things to different people. Great might mean churchy, might mean extremely intelligent, elegant, tall, plump or even possibly stupid and gullible. All I am saying is that everyone has choices and I don’t mean there are stupid women. I only say people act according to circumstances they find themselves in and individual perception of people would surely defer. Does that make sense?

So what is it about my life. 32 years looks like yesterday. I remember things that happened when I was 6 vividly and also pockets of moments when I was younger. I am serious. Take a moment and reflect and tell me you can’t remember the moments you had a crap in your pants or embarrassing pee pee making the map of Africa on your pants. I think I read somewhere that kids make pee images close to their country of origin. Could there really have been a research on that? What is not possible in the new world? Well, I don’t recollect the crappy moments but I must admit there were some pee pees. I would have denied that but I recollect a picture that made that undeniable. For the crap, I guess I can deny it afterall, there are no pictures and who would take pictures of crap anyway. I wonder who took the peepee moments anyway. I guess curiosity (gbeborun) is not a recent invention.

2 My Picture

I am going to paint a picture of what I want for my life from this moment onwards. I want to get married. Not for the sake of it. But for the fact that I am ready. Loneliness kills and a lack of a companion who believes in you is no motivation. I want a woman who understands me. Is that not what we all say? Well I want someone who can live with my mistakes and see my most stupid moments with pride. I guess that means we have stupid and probably gaullible men too. It also means i need an excuse for making mistakes. I want a woman who makes me laugh around the house and sees all we achieve as team play. I don’t need subservience. I want opinions that defer. Well not all the time and definitely not at night. If you know what I mean.

I think I have had a fair appraisal of myself by the women I have known. Yes, that is the best way to describe me. Let me tell you all the nice and unnice things I have heard about me over the years. That would be about 14 years. “The Years” refers to the moment I realized the yin and yang feeling. is that a smart comparison. lets just say man woman feeling. Yin-Yang means plenty. I have met 5 woment that i have dated to one degree or the other (you get?) Full names will be withheld or ethical reasons. i would need permission i guess from them and i really dont think that would happen. at least not from all. i also wont want it to be anyones name out there. Hmm dat sounds like a better reason. Ethical or confusion just try get used to the characters.

Let me start with F (full name withheld for reasons I already said are ethical). F was crazy about me. I think women get crazy about guys faster than we do about them. Well we say it faster and longer than they do so I guess we are also fast. We are just on different lanes. Usually driving in opposite directions. Why change a winning formula? F thinks I was likeable, intelligent and more martured. That was then. I guess the tables would have turned now. F would be 28 years (or close) somewhere in the world and probably with a kid or two. So I guess F is more on the experienced and matured side considering she has a lot of pee pee to clean up. How the sexes grow. F also thought I needed to be taken care of. Looking back at my life now, maybe she was right. I have not done a great job at taking care of myself. I really can’t say much more about F but she was a great person and I have no regrets we met. I guess we (I) was too young to appreciate. i have a very short memory as you will find out. there was probably mor to F but i really cant remember. sorry. Take note of her observations. The ones i seem to conveniently remember.

After F came O. O was younger than F and I think maybe prettier. Maybe. At times we see what we choose to see. Not what is real. I have to place F by O to be sure I was right or maybe wrong. O was in school while I was a few years into my first job. O also thought I was matured (this is either a woman’s toasting line or true attraction). She thought I played around with words, I fail to express how I really feel, I am good looking (I like that one but that is really opinion). Even gorillas get married. I mean real gorillas here and not you. I won’t call you a gorilla to your face. Just thinking loud. What is a femal Gorilla called? She thinks I have nice hands. I never heard that one before. Who says women don’t know what to say? She also thinks I am a great kisser. Who still thinks they don’t know what to say? Isn’t it strange how you take compliments seriously. I still remember all those sweet compliments (or lines). I still look at my hands till this day and wonder what I am not seeing. I think I have heard that from someone else as well. I hope that’s not in my imagination. I think we have given O some space. There seems to be more good than bad. I don’t think there were that many bads. Well with O, I lost out. She had an escort in school who had all the time in the world. I wont say dating a student while working is going to get you no where. That as well is opinion. Enough about O. So lets move on.

Then I met S. what made S click? Well I was not interested in S from day one. I did not even notice her. Seriously that was not deliberate. We worked in the same office. I go about doing my thing and that’s it. I think my innocent unawareness of my environment (at times) was a turn on. Then I resolved a problem in the nick of time. Ok, I am a computer guy. Did some networking, system administration, website and I don’t know where the journey takes me next. Yes, I know, my career experience look as unclear as the women that have passed through my life. Hopefully, I passed through theirs. Ok lets get back to S. S was great. She had white teeths, full hair (by Nigerian standards), extremely brilliant from previous academic records. Still is i guess. (I make that statement looking back at my own previous academic records.) And focused to the letter. After all, she got married shortly after she called it quits. Yes she called it quits. No thanks to my short memory an lackadaisical attitude. She didn’t like chocolates and I bought her a couple on Vals day. Talk about the killer gift? How many of you guys have given a killer gift? Well I guess the chocolate sealed my fate. It was one careless move too many. So what did S like about me? I am not sure. She was never so specific. Maybe that’s why she moved on so easily. Or maybe I was so inattentive, I was not listening. Or maybe there was none. Much worse.

Here is where it gets complicated. I met S again. Don’t wonder too far. It’s a different S. or was it E. she had two names. Her parents call her E and her fiends call her S. she prefers S. I am sure it’s not because she prefers her friends to her parents. At least she never said so. Mohammed’s kid is wailing outside. I will come to Mohammed later. I use his real name because that is the most commonly used name in the world. Yes it is. I also didnt date him. He is ver Yan and i assure you my affinity is straight. I challenge you to trace M. All the best if you try.

S or E? that’s not the complication. There was a T as well and I think they overlap. Who came first? I am not sure. My short-term memory at its very best. S was based where I lived so the relationship (short of a better word to describe it) blossomed. Or should I say lasted the test of my presence. I forgot to mention it. S1 (the first S) moved on the moment I moved out of town. I am lousy with long distance relationship. Your talk can save you for a while. But a guy with half the talk and a whole of the presence beats whatever talents God gives. That I learnt the hard way. Did I? T was far way from me and as a matter of fact we met on the phone. Don’t ask me how? I am sure we all get this blind offers every now and then. I dated T over the phone and we met few and far in between. Sir Graham Bell would be proud of the usefulness of his invention. Maybe I am not so bad with this long distance relationship after all. So I thought.

How did I pull it off? Well I was not technically dating S2. At least we never had such a talk. But that’s a wrong assumption. Women think differently. As a matter of fact S2 was well into the fact she was dating and I knew little. She was great. Tall, soft spoken and had a very silent ambition of where she was going. If only she had made herself clearer, I might not have gotten deep into the mess I find myself in now. Or rather if I had made up my mind what I wanted. S2 had big dreams as I found out later. I spent a lot of time living in her dream world when she made it known to me. She had a dream book with montages of what she wanted to be. In fact she had pictures of my face stuck on bodies that were not ours. I think i was stuck on Denzels body. She was stuck to Beyonce. Thats my guess. The outfits looked great and i know i dont have a tuxedo. probably never will now that she is no more in my dream. Or is it the other way round. I think I am jumping. That’s how scattered S & T turned me into. Always blaming someone.

What did S2 like about me? I guess plenty really. She thinks I am extremely ambitious and was going to have a great life. I hope she still thinks so. I would love to see the look on her face when she realizes how well I moved on (someday). Why do we feel that way with our Exes. Like saying, “You see how well I have done without you”. She thinks I am good looking and keeps saying I have a great body. That happens only at night. Well not only at night but the night thing tells you what I mean. She has a great body and the nicest legs I know. Based on my experience. Apologies to F, O & T but that’s the truth. She also thinks I have nice hair. Well my hair was full when we met (Not like S1s). And still full when she left. Afro to be precise or just plenty. At least she left my hair the way she met it if not my heart. Yes, she is thoughtful and not at all trying to make you into someone else. She likes the hair on my nape. Women sure have better lines. The hair on my nape? That was a new one. And it surely worked. Otherwise, I will not remember that 1 too.

She wants to travel the world. That’s part of her dream. And she wants a great house and a great home with kids and a wonderful man that used to be me. I like her dreams. Actually i like her dream book. As much as I don’t want to steal someone elses dream and make them my own. I think the dream has me in it. Maybe I should borrow that book. If she has not burnt it yet. She probably wont. She will just replace my character with someone elses. Why re-invent a great dream. I am writing this because of the complication created by S2 & T. would I still have S2 back if she wanted? Not really. Is that a No or yes. Ok, No. I did not really enjoy those nights with her. I am sure you know what I mean now. And she admitted not enjoying most of them. Actually all of them. She was just saving face or being her thoughtful self. How women lie. Maybe she did not even love my body after all. She has met a new guy. I suspect she has started all dat lying again. The problem is i think woment dont even realize they are lying until much later. A guy tells a lie and his nose starts growing long. Well something starts growing. You might need to look lower. I like my body. Thats all that counts. E be like say d tin dey pain me sef. I console myself. The lies. She should just hav told me i did not have a correct body. No be by force na. So I won’t move on with S2 even though she has big dreams for her and whoever. Life has to be complete. No half measures and no compromise. That’s really opinion again. Someone would see differently and that does not make him wrong or me right.S2s dreams are very important for part of the life I want. So who fills my nightly needs. A cousin of mine says don’t marry a woman you cannot enjoy being with night after night. No point. Is that true? Well I don’t know. I have never been married. Do you have problems with your woman in those moments? How do you feel about the marriage? Regrets? Or Life’s like that. Me no know.

So lets go to T. There must be more about S2 than I agree to admit. How else do you explain the length of space given to her? It must be that dream book. I need to get a hold of that book. Or maybe it is my short memory at work again. She just happened so maybe I remember so much. Another lesson for me. Try and record as much as you can. The dots will connect someday. So what can I say about T. She was extremely caring. It got to the point where I advised her to do things for herself instead. I later discovered that being over caring is not necessarily a good thing. An over-caring woman probably has a low will power, is gaullible and probably has a low self esteem. Opinion really. My discovery. I wish Sigmund Fraud was reading this. When a woman is too caring then she would do anything to please anyone else at the expense of her senses. Beware and make your woman realize this early. Are you guessing? Well keep guessing. T broke my heart and shattered my trust in her and other women. But wait. F,O,S,S & T and a few small caps in between. I have had my fair chances. Many guy don’t have this many opportunities and not survive one. Even S2’s limitations were not enough. They are just excuses. My boss calls it being defensive. I understand now and I think I agree with him based on my out of the office experiences. Not in the office. I am being defensive again.

I will not go deep into T. it hurts as I type. The thought of what happened is unbelievable and I wish for her sake she had not done it. But can I blame her? Yes. Like I said there are no excuses. Not even for Yin. Just checked good old Wiki for Yin. It says Yīn (陰 or 阴 "shady place, north slope, south bank (river); cloudy, overcast"; Japanese: in or on) is the dark element: it is passive, dark, feminine, downward-seeking, and corresponds to the night. Lets get Yang for completeness afterall that’s what the 2 words are intended for. Completeness

Yáng (陽 or 阳 "sunny place, south slope, north bank (river), sunshine"; Japanese: yō) is the bright element: it is active, light, masculine, upward-seeking and corresponds to the daytime.

Basically Yin is the opposite of Yang. Does that mean words & opposite. From definition, it seems like that was rge intention. I think it has not really been fair to women. Everything just looks shady, dark and deceitful. Yang could as well fit such a description and Yin vice versa. Lets just take Yin for woman and we are free to fill in whatever description fits whichever Yin or Yan we want to analyze.

Yes I had S2 while I had T but she did not know that when what she did happened. So that would not be much of an excuse. I should also say that S2 discovered T and vice versa. I would have loved to tell that story but I am sure many of us can imagine if not approve. How did I cope? I talked my way out of it as usual. But like I said. It only works for a while. S2 is gone and T is on the way. I am stalling but I know the truth hurts and life has to go on. I am 32 and counting. Remember. I met F at 18 and blam blam, I am 32. I would not want to write another one at 40. The thought even scares me. I might just exhaust all the letters in the alphabet then I would have to go case sensitive.

I started this on a Sunday. It is another Sunday and i have written a second part 2 it. Yes Sunday. No Church? Yes again. i am not much for church. Wish i was. It must be fun. Millions of Nigerians cannot be wrong. Opinion i guess. The second part talks about who i am and who i should be thinking of being based on my appraisal by my 5 charcters. i tries to use all those MBA jargons. Strength Weakness Opportunities and all to analyze me. i hope you find it all useful. and if you do, please plagiarize not. this might just turn into a book. i mean it might turn into money. abi who wan write book no wan make money. i hav sacrificed 5 women. at least let me know it was worth it all. not that i feel a woman can be replaced with cash. Not to talk of 5. well actually ..... that is opinion as well. Let me get to back to my MBA assignments. I wish i could make it as much fun as i have had writing this.